This post contains nothing about quilts, or food, or embroidery, or cats, but is a very personal request for prayer.
Have you ever been so angry over something or with someone that it throws you into a tailspin right into the depths of darkness where you feel you'll never see the light of day again? I guess you could say that's where I've been. I won't go into the who, what, where, when etc. with all the details, but will say that the last couple of weeks have been emotionally and spiritually brutal. I know that I need to turn to my Heavenly Father, but my heart has been so darkened that even that has been hard to do. My own repentance from this sin of anger and bitterness is needed, and yet I'm still struggling with it. These two sins have probably been my life-long hardest ones to overcome, but overcome them I can with God's help. Know that the issue at hand is not one of murder, or adultery, or theft or anything like that, but here and now, my own anger and how I have dealt with the issue and the offense, perceived or real.
I shared some of the details of the issue with a 'close' friend, and was met finally with being confronted and while much of her chastisement was valid, some was not, and I battle with a heart-attitude of retaliatory confrontation to the log in her own eye on some issues with which she has vented to me over the last year. I laud her for being bold enough to confront me and risk our friendship by doing so. I am not angry with her, but do find I have some feelings about her own hypocrisy.
On another note, we have recently been told of a close friend who has cancer. We have known this man for a very long time and he was our best man at our wedding. He is in his early 60's and no wife or children to care for him, though he does have a sister and her family. He underwent surgery to remove the main tumor, somewhere in the neighborhood of 80 lesions from his liver, a segment of his small intestine, and his gall bladder. The surgery lasted 8 hours; a hospital stay of 1 week, and 3 months recuperation at home. The word before the surgery was that he hopes to make it to 70 but he was unsure if that was possible. It's a progressive cancer. I don't know since the surgery and further testing what the current prognosis is. My husband and some other friends left after first service this morning to go visit him in the hospital, so I may learn more later today. We have so many good memories with this man and hate to see this trial come upon him, but he knows the Lord and his faith is strong.
Please, my Christian sisters (or any brothers who happen to be lurking too), please keep me in prayer to the Great Healer. He rescued me out of darkness in 1987 and I know He can revive this heart of clay again. And pray for my friend, especially as this is the early stages for him and though his faith is strong, he still questions the with the 'why's ... but even Job never knew why, though we do now, and it had nothing to do with Job aside from Job's faith and Satan's desire to take him from God - as if!! No one can snatch God's own from His hand.
Praying, praying, praying. Please note that oftentimes we look to others' hypocrisy as a means to avoid looking at our own sin. I'm oh-so-familiar with this particular tactic! I have been in that place ... and you're right, it's so easy to feel that there's no light in the spiraling tunnel of anger and bitterness. But you have been bought and paid for by the blood of Jesus and you are NOT bound in that spiral! Praise God that Jesus has already provided you the escape, Lee! I'm praying that your heart will be softened and that you'll lay it all at the feet of Jesus. One of my most *favorite* names of God is the Ancient of Days (which should tell you how much I deal with the anger/bitterness thing!). When we are faithful to trust Him and forgive and let go, we can be sure that HE never forgets and deals with those that need to be dealt with, in His good time. Praying for you, my sweet friend--and praying for your friend, too. Love you, my sister in Christ! Hugs! :)
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