Travel Planning

It's been eight days since my mom was admitted to the hospital, and seven days since her surgery.  

I've had many conversations with my dad, and several brief ones with my mom, one of which was very disconcerting just this evening, and I was still not feeling at all confident that they don't need 'help' in some way, shape or form.  With that, I grabbed the bull by the horns tonight by firmly telling my mom that I needed to find out what was going on.  I'm more assertive in this arena than she is. 

I spoke with her nurse on duty at the time, and she answered some of my questions, and then she had the doctor call me directly for answers she wasn't at liberty to share.  I then called my dad back and let him know and we pretty much decided it couldn't hurt for me to travel north.

The emotions in doing so are a mixed bag due to other family issues but I'll cross those bridges as I get to them if need be, and due to weather forecasts for driving.  I'm keeping my eye on the weather forecasts  for the higher elevations - I'm not experienced in snow/ice driving so I'm a bit fearful of that, even though I'll be traveling a major interstate highway that is heavily traveled.  Now, to determine the precise day/time to go.  It could be as early as 2:00 or 3:00 Sunday morning, or a day or days later.  I need to pack and decide what to take that I can or will work on during those times of just sitting and waiting or keeping my mom company in the hospital.  She will likely remain in the hospital for another week according to the doctor and if things don't improve in that time, possibly yet another surgery.

There's much to arrange before I go, so I think I'm off to la-la land for a good night's sleep. 

Holding Pattern

I've spoken with my Mom since the surgery.  I'm not sure it should be considered a surgery; sounds more like it was an exploratory during which they performed a temporary fix.  She will require further surgery and I don't know when that will occur.  She will be in the hospital for at least another week.

She was pretty groggy and loopy when I spoke with her so I'm not sure I have a full picture, but I've spoken with my dad, and online chatted with one brother.  I'm not feeling very confident about things, but for now have to trust that they have things under control as much as they say they do.

My aunt Irene lives fairly close and she'll be taking my uncle into the hospital tomorrow for some regular tests he gets and she will check in on Mom while she's there, perhaps then I'll have a better idea of whether it would be wise for me to head up that way, or hold off for now.  

Perhaps I'm feeling I need to be there for me every bit as much as being there for them should they need me or if things should take a turn for the worse - one never knows with elderly patients.  Three siblings live a whole lot closer, but I have freedom of time as I don't have job commitments, though I do have a few family needs that would need to be worked out.  Marty and I have already discussed some of the possible scenarios.

I'm concerned, a whole lot unsure about what to do or not do, and I'm praying,

Focus...Hocus Pocus...Bogus

Shoot, a word I'm trying to incorporate into action this year is FOCUS.  Today, focus needs some hocus pocus as in conjuring up the ability to pull rabbits out of a hat, not as the definition states: meaningless talk or activity, often designed to draw attention away from and disguise what is actually happening,  Maybe hocus pocus is what's interfering today.  Conjuring is bogus anyway, so a whole lot of prayer would be a really good thing.

I yawned all the way, and it's not so far these days, taking Nick to school.  I just cannot get into gear.  I've put some dishes away, and put some more into the dishwasher, run a load of laundry and folded one that was still in the dryer, swept the floors and made a mental note that they are in terrible need of a mop, refilled my water bottles, and was intent on getting the table cleared off (it's still the way it was in a photo from this post).

The phone rang.  It was one of my brothers from up in the wet land.  He so rarely ever calls so I immediately had a dread that there was a problem.  I thought perhaps something with my step-dad as he was having a throat biopsy yesterday.  Instead, it was to let me know that my mom is in the hospital with a blockage in the upper intestine.  She's 80.  Initially she was told that surgery would be required right away.  But then the doctor/surgeon said he wants to wait two or three days to see if it clears on its own.  She doesn't like this surgeon.  He's only been a surgeon for a few years (he did my emergency appendectomy in 2011 when I was up there) and performed her mastectomy in 2012 and she basically believes he's a butcher. 

In her small-ish town, he's the only surgeon at that hospital.  She was waiting to discuss some things with the charge nurse when I called her.  One of the things that had been mentioned to her when she expressed to 'someone' her feelings about the surgeon was that she could check herself out and go to a different hospital in another nearby town.  She said she didn't like that hospital either!  Lots more was said but I won't bore you.

I asked if I needed to come up there as when she has the surgery, she would likely be spending an additional five days or so in the hospital.  She's concerned about my dad, who is not very well either.  And they have two cats to care for.   She was very down.  I won't go into all the family drama dynamics as to why my siblings couldn't help.  That leaves me at loose ends not knowing if she would prefer I be there to help but doesn't want to say so, or she doesn't think it's necessary for me to help.  Additionally, I have responsibilities here that would have to be worked out first if I did head up that way and then the decision if I do go whether to drive (time factors but less costly) or fly (more expensive and would need wheels when I get there but faster).  Elders can be very hard to read when you're 800+ miles away and these elders tend to be difficult even in the best of times. 

Focus, I think I'll go sew and try to re-focus while letting all this mull through my brain.