Sunday, June 21, 2015

Summer Hiatus

Well, not only is today Father's Day, but it is the first day of summer.  Out here on the west coast, it's hot and it's dry.  I don't like hot, and I don't like dry, but I can do nothing about either, nor can I move elsewhere, so guess I'll just continue to put up with what it is.

And speaking of what it is, 'it' is not at all good, but I'm trying to accept that this is God's will as an answer to the dilemma about dealing with my dad.  I may have mentioned that he has some dementia, but has largely been able to live on his own and take care of his general daily needs.  I have been taking care of his finances keeping him fully informed as well as keeping tabs on his medical events.

Unfortunately, he has chosen to not listen to the only two people (my sister and I) who actually care about his personal welfare and making sure his assets, what little he has, were protected in the event he needed long-term care.  We did not feel the need for him to be under conservatorship as he was trying to stay within his limitations and those who have never spent 24/7 time with him would not necessarily recognize him as being anything other than a little forgetful and he can be quite hostile to authority and any attempt to remove ANY control from his life.  He did recognize/self-justify that he needed the assistance I have given though by saying "I could do it, I just hate paperwork.".  A couple weeks ago, without telling me or consulting me or my sister, he put his house up for sale and it sold in two days.  He has already moved all his belongings out, and moved them into the home of his ex-wife (to whom he was married when he and my mom met and who divorced him in 1956) and their oldest daughter.  To date, he has given them a very large sum towards their debt.  When I found that out, I got upset with him and emotionally lost my cool.  In that conversation I said something I perhaps should not have, and in his dementia-mind, he took it as a (financial) threat and I believe that is the basis for his current actions of not calling and not letting me know what's going on or has been done already.  He will likely use the entire proceeds from the house sale to pay more of their debt yet it will not be enough, and he will have no resources beyond his SSI for his own care.  And, after giving them this money, he says he will still be paying her rent/helping with the monthly expenses.  He thinks she's going to (re)marry him. 

I will be driving north towards the end of this week.  I am not looking forward to many aspects of it, especially those dealing with this situation and the confrontations that are likely to ensue.  The brother who stopped speaking with me at my mom's death, is still spreading lies and false accusations. Another brother, the one who "claims" the treadle machine I brought here for safe-keeping has decided he wants that taken to an uncle's in the home town.  I could argue with him about it that my dad did give it to me, but I know my mom 'promised' it to this brother, even though it was not hers to promise.  But that's how my mom did things.  Within the family dynamic is a LOT of distrust, bitterness, resentment, frustration, lies and half-truths, and rejection.  I'm personally fighting some of those old feelings that have again cropped up after having put them to rest as I grew in Christ.  God's word says to 'train up a child in the way he should go and he will not depart from it'.  There's a grain in that which could mean that however a child is raised, is how he will be in his life...we learned all these sins quite well as children, and only the Lord can give us the strength to 'put off' the things of evil and 'put on' righteousness, love and kindness.  My siblings do not share the faith in Christ that I have.

While I'm gone, since my dad's house is no longer available, I will be staying at my Aunt Irene's and will have less time on the computer.  That's not a bad thing really.  She and I will be going to quilt camp July 8 - 12, and I'm really hoping it will not be as hot as last year, but that's looking doubtful.  By the time I get to my Oregon destination, it's projected to be 100°F.  I will be in Oregon possibly through the 8th of August.  But then, I will be home.  Once and for all, and if what I expect to happens does, without responsibilities beyond my own to myself, my husband and my son.  I just hope I don't go through another extended bout of depression and grief as I did during these last four months at home.

Should things go the way I'm expecting they will (not by my choice) with my dad, my helping him will be rejected and changed to someone else, and my frequent trips will come to a stop.  This is not the route I would have chosen for my dad, but it does answer prayer.  When I've been gone, I've constantly worried that he could fall and be injured where he can't get to the phone or that he would die only to be found by my sister when she goes to his place on the weekends, which would be really awful for her even moreso than anyone else.  He no longer calls me, and I have not been able to reach him yet today to wish him a happy Father's Day though I had sent a card early in the week.

All of that to say, I'm taking a break from my blogs until I return and then get 'caught up' and rested.  If I really have an urge or notable event, I may slip a short (when have I ever done short?) post in, but if not, I pray everyone remains safe throughout the summer, and may your summer be blessed.  And if you're a prayer warrior, I would be ever so grateful for your prayers, especially those needed to behave and speak in a way that honors God and reflects Christ to my unregenerate family.

1 comment:

  1. I'm with you, Girl. And you can cry on my shoulder anytime. You have my email address. My situation is not the best, but it pales compared to yours. Please keep in touch!


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